It’s the usual story lads tell each other at the pub. Everything was fine with the missus, and suddenly she dropped the baby bomb. She’s decided she wants to be a mother, and that’s more important than your relationship. In truth, what perhaps makes the story more alarming is the fact that it seems to imply the girlfriend changes her behaviour overnight.
In reality, while there is such a thing as the biological clock, the desire to have children is not something you catch without warning, like a bad cold. So, the myth of the dotting girlfriend turning into a dragon desperate for babies is far from being accurate. More often than not, partners are aware of each other’s preferences and desires in the long term. Otherwise, what’s the point of the relationship in the first place?
So, let’s start again. She tells you she wants kids, and you nod because you’ve approached the topic before. Now what?
Wait, what’s your plan?
Even though you might not have talked about it in a while, it doesn’t mean she hasn’t been thinking about it. So seize the opportunity to review the situation. There’s a big difference between knowing she wants to have children at some point and her making a plan of when she wants to have them and how many. Besides, let it out in the open. What is it that she wants? And more importantly, use the time to consider your family dreams too. A family can mean a variety of things for different people. Perhaps for her, it’s two children playing in the lounge; but for you, it’s a countryside house with pets. The sooner you agree on your ideal family plan, the sooner you can put a price to it — because that countryside home isn’t going to pay for itself.
You might want to get fit
Why do you need to get fit when she is the one getting pregnant? Well, because being healthy will make a difference too. Indeed, your health can make a huge difference when it comes to sperm health and quality. For example, being an unhealthy weight increases the risks of conceiving an unhealthy baby. In other words, she’s not the only one who needs to stick to a healthy lifestyle.
Let’s address the top 3 factors in your control that contribute to a healthy preconception:
- Frequent physical activity
- Smoking and drinking, preferably not at all or in moderation
- Age, as men over 40 have fewer healthy sperm. However, it doesn’t mean you can get pregnant. A healthy lifestyle and testosterone replacement therapy via telemedicine can work wonders.
Continue to have fun
Stress plays a huge role in preconception and in your relationship. Everybody is different. Some people can get pregnant rapidly and easily, while others need much longer. However, if you focus too much on the pregnancy and not enough on each other, you’re only going to put unnecessary pressure on yourself and her. Regardless of your plans for a family, you are a couple first and foremost. So take the time to enjoy each other’s company on a romantic date and have fun. Whether things take a little longer or not is irrelevant. Don’t let pressure put words in your mouth that you will regret later, such as blaming each other for the family delays.
In conclusion, it’s time we kill the cliché of the baby-obsessed girlfriend. It’s. not a case of the missus wants kids, so I ran away. She wants kids, and you want them too because you talked about it before.